Developing Leadership Coaching Skills – Behind the Scenes

Ownership is not just something reserved for the founders, partners, and stockholders. Ownership is a state of mind that can be developed. I believe that the most potent technique available to leaders is developing leadership coaching skills. When you coach an employee, you are not telling them what to do. Leadership coaching skills are essential for getting people to feel like owners. Today, I am sharing a few essential skills in coaching your team members. We look at it through the lens of those that feel like victims. I share a story about a client that felt like a victim more than a decade after 911. Discover leadership coaching skills with new questions that you can use to get someone to shift beyond the lens of being the victim. Join me today for a way to increase the feeling of ownership and improve your leadership coaching skills.

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Developing Leadership Coaching Skills: The Transcript

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Disclaimer: This transcript was created using YouTube’s translator tool and that may mean that some of the words, grammar, and typos come from a misinterpretation of the video.

Today we’re going to talk about being the leader of leaders. What does that even mean?

Well, you may know that I help leaders of companies become leaders become better CEOs to become people that can really engage and inspire others. But what you may not know is, we all encounter people in our lives that are not stepping up into their role of leadership. And this could be at work or at home. That’s the reason I’m sharing this with my friends here. And I’m really giving you a behind the scenes look at some of the work that I do. Because I want to know, I want to help you, I want to help you serve the people that you’re there to serve, whether that be in leadership, or whether it be in your home. I really believe that there are some commonalities between you know, how we show up as leaders and how we show up for the people in our lives that we really love and care for.

And frankly, you know, having a family is, you know, an amazing gift. But it also comes with a sense of responsibility that we must play at our fullest level. So today we’re going to talk about some core aspects behind how do you help someone truly step up into a role of leadership. And one of the things I believe is that we as leaders must get people to feel a sense of ownership around the work that they’re doing and around what, where they’re going. And this, the sense of ownership is very powerful. I learned it from a lot of the conversation I’ve had, I’ve learned it from a lot of the conversations I’ve had with founders and CEOs of the fastest-growing companies out there. And I’ve had a chance to really look at the data. And this is what it means.

When you inspire people to feel the sense of ownership that you’re talking to. They not only will own the result, but they will own the process. They will own the challenges that get in the way as this moves forward. They will own the path and that is what’s new. necessary for you to lead them into a place of leadership. Now, I say this with a smile, because I just, it’s such a simple thing for me. But a lot of people are clouded by what’s going on around them, they’re not really stepping up in a way that really allows them to take ownership and the people that are there to support them. Whether this is in work or at home, or the personal lives, they aren’t allowing them to take ownership.

They’re micromanaging them. And really, what we’re going to talk about today is a few different aspects of what that means and how you can help people go beyond where they are now and to take ownership of their own reality. Now, there are some really detailed nuances around that statement that we will unpack in a little bit later. But I wanted to share this with you because this really has helped me take control of my own life and make better choices and increase my level of confidence and courage. And maybe it’ll help you And as a leader, if you are guiding others, if you work with other people, then you can use what we’re talking about today to really help them take ownership.

There are a few things that get in the way of ownership, there are enemies to ownership, and I want to talk about them. And we will give you some details behind it. But the first one is this concept of being a victim. Too many people out there see that life has handed them a bag of crap. I say that too, with a smile, because if you accept that life is just handed you a bag of crap, then you are playing a victim role. You’re playing the role that which life is happening to you. And that is dangerous because if you are continuously looking at all of the negative things going on your life, the things that you perceive as being harmful is not being good news, and things are getting more And you can’t make your way forward, then you are actually giving this other thing or the other people in your life, complete control over your path forward and even your sanity.

Let me say that again if you are not. If you are placing control into someone else’s hands, where you want them to fix themselves before you feel better, or you want, you know, the laws to change or you want something else outside of you, then you have no control because you’ve given them agency. the agency is a word that a lot of people don’t have a definition for, but it has to do with control has to do with the ability to move forward without hindrance from others.

Now I say all this because I want you to think about your role as a leader. If you are talking to someone who is playing victim, then you’ve got a choice You can fire them, you can try to coach them to the next level, you can move them into a position where they minimize your pain if you will, but I think the only path forward and at least you have to keep trying this is you have to coach them through it, you have to really help them grow through this victimhood.

Now, I’m going to share with you some of the insights behind this, a lot of this, you know, has been dominant inside my coaching, I’m going to share a story with you that really kind of helps you see what this is. I started coaching about 10 years ago. Now, my first coaching clients where you know, I charge very little to be able to do what I’m doing. To be honest with you, I charged 50 bucks an hour, and I’m not sure why they trusted me because I charge so little, but they needed help and support and I was happy to get the experience behind it.

So about 10 years ago. I ran into a guy named Doug. And Doug was a leader within his company. And Doug had been living for more than a decade as being a victim. This issue of him being a victim came from a very recognizable act 911. He lived in New York, he actually worked in the World Trade Towers. And for some reason, he didn’t go to work that day. Not going to work that day was something that had haunted him because a lot of his friends, all the lot of people he worked with, didn’t make it out of the building, some dead, many didn’t. And so Doug thought about that day, constantly. Doug thought about why he didn’t show up.

Why wasn’t he one of the ones that were dead? And I know this is a morbid thought. But he lived in a place of victimhood. He lived in a place where he had given control over an outside factor and he let it dominate his life moving forward. Now, when we started working together, it was just some very basic conversations that I asked him some questions. And we share some of those questions with your day I wrote them down because I want to make sure this is right. But one of the big questions you can ask someone when they’re when you feel like they’re in the victim is, you know, how does this make you feel? I want you to understand how they feel about the situation instead of you assuming how they feel literally asked the question. And this is a chance for you to practice in coaching what’s called active listening, truly listening for what they’re saying and what they’re not saying.

And there may be other questions that go in that but you got to get them clear to see that what they’re feeling is something that they’re not wanting to feel. And I say this to you because it really is about experiencing that feeling. The next thing I want you to think about is, you know, based on what they’ve said, is for you to be able to interpret what they’re not saying. And for you to be able to, to read them and ask questions about what’s really going on, because they’ve got to see it for themselves. If you tell them at this stage, that they’re being a victim, they probably won’t get it. But you can ask this question. And I asked this to Doug, I said, Doug, is this belief that you have about you should have died on that day, empowering you or not? And I remember Doug, stepping back, pausing for a moment thinking about the answer.

And getting really real. It looked at me and he said, it’s absolutely not empowering me. It is actually been hurting me. It’s keeping me from moving forward. It’s keeping me from growing. Now. When we did that, he realized that he was playing very I remember I actually asked him and said, What if you weren’t a victim here, but you were actually a survivor for a reason. And he thought about it. It’s like, I haven’t thought about why I survived what my purpose was after the fact. And that’s exactly what he needed to do is redirect his perspective, from being a victim to How could he use this to move forward? How can he continue, grow beyond this instead of being stuck in it?

Another question that you might ask is what gives you agency to heal because when someone feels like a victim, there is a sense that they need to heal. They need to to, you know, repair themselves, they need to be able to step into another version of themselves a new identity that allows them to see how they could move forward instead of only looking What’s holding them back?

Now, these are just some of the questions that you could use when you are working with someone that’s in victimhood. And that is really feeling like they’re not able to do what needs to be done. And I share this with you because if you’re leading others, whether this be in your family, in your personal lives, in your business leadership, then you can ask questions, you can be more coach, like, you can have active listening, you can get to the heart of it, you can ask them questions, allow them to discover the issues for themselves. And if they’re, they’re living in a place of victimhood, then you can use the questions I’ve shared with you today because it will help you actually build a connection. At this place right now, it’s not for you to tell them how to move forward and to get over it. It’s for them to get really sober to the fact that they must own their own feelings and that they must find empowering ones to replace the ones that made them feel like victims.

I remember with Doug, the question I had asked him was, you know, how long does he want to be a victim? Instead of being a victor, and moving forward, moving forward with something he knows he needed to do, but he didn’t know-how. And I said, How long do you want to continue to be a victim? And he was very clear and said, I’m done with it. He arrived at the situation instead of me telling him that you’ve got to just step up, you gotta, you know, keep moving forward, have the courage.

No, he made the decision he owned, not only the result moving forward but also the process of doing it by getting really clear about it. So I share these questions with you as a leader of leaders, so that you can actually coach people through moments where you feel like they’re being victims. This can work with your teenager. I’ve tried it before it works. This can work with your spouse, even to help you better understand what’s going on.

You can’t coach your spouse, I will warn you of that. But I will tell you that if you really want to activate someone to take ownership, you can ask them questions to get them to see what’s really going on. And the big thing is how do you get them to your shift and replace those feelings of the victim to that of a survivor, that of someone who is able to move forward. And I’ll leave this with you because this is a behind the scenes for the podcast Growth Think Tank. And if you want to continue to get messages like this, make sure you keep tuning in to Growth Think, subscribe. This podcast is meant for those that want to be leaders. Those leaders are already successful. They want to continue to grow. And I share this with you because this is my mission is to help leaders create more leaders to create inspire a sense of ownership across the work that they’re doing, and to get people more and more gauged in really take ownership of their work, the client experience the results that they have the process and the challenges. All of this is just one expert.

Next time we’re going to be talking a little bit more about the scarcity and abundance mindsets. Which one of those are you living in? So stay tuned for the next behind the scenes in one week. As always, lead with courage. We’ll see you next time.

Disclaimer: This transcript was created using YouTube’s translator tool and that may mean that some of the words, grammar, and typos come from a misinterpretation of the video.


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